Wedded in Sin Page 20

  He snorted. Men on a whole were ruled by their passions, but he had once prided himself on being above all that. Obviously, that was no longer true. “It appears I am as fallible as every other man.”

  “No,” she said, stepping close to him. “No. And I’m sorry.”

  He stopped her with a quick kiss to her lips. The motion was surprisingly easy as he pressed his mouth to hers. She opened willingly, but he refused to deepen it. It was too soon—for both of them—to begin a dalliance again tonight. She had just begun and he…he was still much too unsettled to consider it. So he pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Tonight was beyond special. Never apologize for it or I will become angry indeed. Someday I may explain to you exactly what has bothered me tonight. It is a nonsensical male thing, I assure you. But one day, I may explain it to you if you like.”

  “Yes—”

  “But not tonight, I beg of you. Spare my tender male ego.”

  She smiled, a slight curving of her lips. “Of course. And…you can carry my bag if you like.”

  “I should like it above all things.”

  “Thank you,” she said, all sweet and shy. Then he did kiss her. Lightly at first, then deeper. Stronger. He thrust his tongue inside her and he expressed in that one passionate, possessive kiss what he was truly feeling. Or at least he tried. In the end, he pulled back, afraid of rejection, afraid of things he couldn’t even name, only to have her stare dazedly back at him.

  “Penny?”

  “We can come here again sometime. If you like,” she said.

  Immediately his organ surged forward, hungry as if it hadn’t just been satisfied not ten minutes before. “And if you would like,” he said by way of covering, “I should like to take you to a party Thursday night. It’s at a friend of mine’s. A ball of sorts, but with an entertaining guest list.”

  She blinked. “I can’t go to a ball!” she gasped.

  “But of course you can. You shall be my guest.”

  “But I’m a shoemaker! And a secret one at that!”

  “But Thursday night, you shall be my guest. Say you will, Penny. Please say you will.”

  “I—”

  She was about to say no, so he kissed her again. Deeply, hungrily, and with all the skill at his command. This time when he drew back, she blinked at him in confusion.

  “Say yes, Penny.”

  “Yes.”

  He grinned. “Excellent.”

  “But I can’t go to any ball.”

  He dropped a kiss onto her nose. “Then it’s not a ball. Just a gathering of friends where there might be dancing.”

  “But—”

  “Penny, you must. I—I need you there.”

  She frowned. “Why?”

  “Because…” Why? Why did he need her there? “I wish you expressly to meet someone. She has some rather unusual ideas regarding investments, and I should like your perspective.”

  “About investments? What do I know about those?”

  “It is about female things, Penny. But she is a friend, and I do not understand the half of it.”

  Penny frowned at him. “You’re lying to me.”

  “I swear I’m not.” And he wasn’t. Well, not entirely. He had already formed his opinion of Melinda’s so-called investments. But still, learning Penny’s perspective might be very interesting as well.

  “Then we should talk to her some other time.”

  “Thursday night, Penny. It is the best time. Please, I want you to come.”

  It took a little more bickering, a little more pleading, but eventually she gave in. And then suddenly, they were climbing the stairs out of the dungeon in relative accord. It wasn’t late by brothel standards, so as they topped the stairs, they had to stay back in the shadows to avoid being seen. Fortunately, they found Missy soon enough.

  Then, once again, Penny surprised him. Just as he was about to hand over the key, she snatched it out of his hand. Her hood had been drawn over her face so as to hide her identity, but suddenly she tossed it back to glare at the madame.

  “We’re returning your room to you, but you won’t be charging him a penny for use of it. We didn’t touch anything. Nobody wanted it.”

  “Penny,” he said gently. “It’s all right. Missy and I are friends.”

  “Not if she tries to charge you.” She turned back on the madame, who was staring at them both as if they were mad. “Plain as piss he hasn’t got a penny to spare. And no friend would take money he hasn’t got.”

  “What?” Missy turned to Samuel in alarm. “You’re broke?”

  He held up his hands in a placating gesture. “No, I’m not. Everything’s fine.”

  Meanwhile, Penny was stepping in between them, her expression fierce. “There are other ways for him to pay you. I’m sure he knows a gent or two who would love to use your dungeon. Throw a party in there or something.” She turned to Samuel. “You do, don’t you? Don’t you know everybody?”

  He quirked a brow, thrilled with the unaccustomed feeling of having someone else defend him. “I know about everybody. That’s not the same as being able to influence them.”

  “But you can,” she pressed. “You can find someone to throw a party here?”

  He thought of all the men of his acquaintance. He’d never thought in that particular direction, but yes, he knew of someone who would enjoy the dungeon. And learning whom else the man invited would be highly interesting.

  “Yes,” he said with a slow smile. “I know just the man.”

  “Excellent,” Penny crowed as she turned back to Missy, the key held out. “So he’s square? No charge for tonight?”

  Missy’s brows were drawn together in a thoughtful look. Finally, she took the key with a careful hand. “Of course there won’t be any charge, Samuel. But do say you’ll swing around sometime soon. It has been so long since we had an afternoon’s chat.”

  He grinned at her. “I’m afraid I’m rather full up this week. But soon,” he promised. “I’ll stop for tea soon.”

  “Oh yes,” crooned Missy. “Make it soon.” Then after a blithe wave and a longer, considering look at Penny, Missy disappeared back down the hallway into the main room. “Come along,” he said to Penny as he lifted her hand to his arm. “I need to see you home.”

  She followed easily enough, their steps in rhythm, their spirits in accord. If it weren’t for the late hour—and the fact that he carried a stuffed satchel—they might have been a lord and lady out for an afternoon stroll. Up until this moment, he’d never thought the activity had any merit. But for the first time in his life, he understood the need to just walk. In silence. With his…With a…

  His mind balked. He could not label her his lover. He wasn’t even sure she was his friend, truth be told. She was simply Penny, in his mind, and he refused to think beyond that. And then she had to spoil everything by asking a very awkward question.

  “Just how tight are you?”

  He flinched. “What?” he asked, though he knew exactly what she meant.

  “How much money do you have? Enough to get by? Can you make your rent? You eat at your brother’s. Your clothing is decent enough now, but it’s getting on winter. Do you have a coat? Will you have enough coal?”

  He turned to look at her, belatedly realizing that she truly thought him impoverished. “Penny, I have funds enough to meet my needs.” Or he would after quarter day. He’d been investing lately, stretching his cash to a razor’s edge more out of boredom than anything else. In truth, things were very tight until quarter day, when his investment would pay off. And pay off handsomely. But until that day, nearly a month from now, he had to live most sparingly.

  “Francine’s father paid her bill yesterday. Wendy made sure I got what was owed me immediately. With Helaine’s cast-off gowns and that sack of clothes for Tommy, I’m set for a while. More than set. Enough to share a meal or two with you. If you’d like.”

  He pressed his hand on top of hers, holding it there in a quiet squeeze. She was offering h
im her hard-earned money when she had just lost everything. The generosity of it touched him deeply. Coupled with how she defended him against Missy, he fell all the more in love with her.

  “I should love very much to dine with you, Penny,” he said softly. “But I have no need of your money. I swear.”

  She nodded and released a slow breath. She had truly been worried about him. “You can’t live scrounging money off your brother all your life. And it’s no good spending your time rescuing ladies.”

  “I rather like the lady I’m rescuing at the moment.”

  She flashed him a smile that warmed him more than any coal could ever do. “And I like it right back. But, Samuel, what do you do with your time? Doesn’t it get—”

  “Boring? Tediously so.”

  “I was going to say lonely.”

  He shrugged. “I have friends.”

  “Like Missy?”

  “She’s more of a friendly acquaintance.”

  “And me?”

  He paused then. Not for long. Just enough for his step to hitch and for her to notice. Then he was walking again, trying to keep his manner smooth while his heart was racing and his mind all but exploded.

  What was Penny to him? Good God, but he didn’t want to answer that in his own mind, much less out loud to her.

  She sighed. “You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want.”

  “I’m trying to,” he said truthfully. He was all but mad with the search for the right words to say. Finally he reached for the easy way out. “What would you like to be?”

  “You mean besides rich?”

  He smiled. “You will be eventually, Penny. Give it a little time.”

  “Got to eat in the meantime. Got to find a home, too. We can’t always live rent-free above the shop. Tommy will need clothes, and then there’s schooling. I had a good education at an academy for ladies. Tommy deserves no less.”

  “Of course,” he answered, startled anew by her background. So she had not spent all her days following after her father and his shoes. “But were you accepted at this academy? As a shoemaker’s daughter?”

  She shrugged. “It was a school for cits and by-blows right here in London. Some were the daughters of lords, but most of us were in trade of some sort. It was a happy time in my life.” Then she looked down and he knew she was fighting of wave of frustration about her brother’s future. “Tommy deserves no less,” she said firmly.

  “He will have it.”

  “Of course he will,” she echoed, the determination obvious in her tone. “He will.”

  They walked in silence again, which gave her time to settle her emotions and for him to relax, hoping that she had given up her question. A moment later, though, his fears were renewed.

  “So you understand, don’t you,” she began, “that I can help you if you need it. For a bit. Here and there. But I can’t be with a man who just drains my money and my time. I liked what we did tonight. More than I should. But it’s not worth Tommy’s education money. It just isn’t.”

  They had arrived at the dress shop, their steps slowing as she finished speaking. By the time they’d reached the door, she was turning to him, her eyes wide and her chin thrust out in stubbornness.

  “You understand, don’t you?” she asked.

  “Of course I do, Penny. And I swear you will never have to support me with so much as a groat.”

  “I don’t mind,” she said honestly, her hand still on his arm. “All of us help out our friends, and everybody hits a rough patch. But it can’t be all the time. I won’t have it.”

  “No laze-about lovers for you. I think that’s very wise.”

  She flinched at the word “lover” but didn’t speak. Instead, she just looked at him, and he saw an unexpected anxiety settle into her features.

  “I’ve never done something like this before. I don’t know how to go about it.”

  He touched her chin, stroking his thumb across her jawline. Such a strong face she had, such a clear sense of purpose even now when she was beset on all sides.

  “You amaze me,” he whispered. Then he kissed her. Long and sweet, reveling in the taste and feel of her. He pulled her tight into his arms and felt her yield to his embrace. Strength softening for him. Nothing had ever pleased him more. Or left him randier.

  He drew back for fear of taking more than he should, and right here in the street no less. “You should go inside,” he rasped as he handed over her satchel. “Quickly before I drag you back to Missy’s.”

  She flashed him a smile that was both coy and delighted, but she didn’t leave. She didn’t even unlock the door. “What happens tomorrow? Now that we can’t prove the signature false?”

  She was back to her case, to the return of her inheritance. He should have expected no less, and yet it stung a bit. Right after a kiss that left him thinking of nothing but her sweet body, she was already on to the next day’s business.

  “I shall have to make some inquiries, but I think our best bet is to enlist the aid of young Ned.”

  She frowned, obviously trying to place the name.

  “Addicock’s young clerk. If anyone can prove the solicitor a fraud, it will be the boy. Or the boy before him.”

  Penny brightened, her mind quickly grasping the ramifications. “Another clerk! Of course! He might know all sorts of havy cavy dealing.”

  “Yes, but I must find him first. You must make any number of ladies slippers. Please, Penny, leave it to me for the moment.”

  She nodded. “But perhaps I could go with you to see Ned? He did seem like he was sweet on me.”

  Samuel’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “Yes, he did. And yes, you will. But not tomorrow. Let me make some inquiries first.”

  “Very well. But you’ll let me know what happens?”

  “Of course. Just as you will be ready Thursday night for my friend’s…er…gathering.”

  “You mean the ball.”

  He shrugged. “Whatever it is, you did promise.”

  “I did,” she admitted. “And I will.” This time she was the one who kissed him. Sweet, tender, and with every bit as much longing as he had. “Good night, Samuel.”

  “Good night, Penny.”

  Then she was gone. Inside the shop while he stood in the doorway like a lovelorn fool. In the end, he turned away. He headed toward his empty rooms on his silent street. He’d always appreciated the quiet before now. No servants, no impertinent neighbors. Not even a dog to yip at his heels. Was this what happened to men in love? Did they suddenly become morose? Did everything they value abruptly pale in comparison to the woman?

  This would never do. Not because it wasn’t acceptable behavior. It wasn’t, but that didn’t truly worry him. What bothered him most was what he saw when he looked in his mirror.

  He saw a lanky, slouching man with hair too long by half, clothing that was creased and frayed. He saw his cluttered room behind him, and the haphazard piles of correspondence completely ignored on the floor by the door. Worse than that, he saw his own future stretched out before him like a boring game. Nothing there interested him. Nothing he saw excited him. It was all just endless days of games—investing games, flirting games, and secret games played by gentlemen for money, sex, or power. Tedious, which made him tedious by extension.

  Or perhaps the better word was “unworthy.” Because when he set up his own reflection against his image of Penny, he paled to nothingness. Whereas he wandered between wealth and poverty, a gentleman’s pursuits, and a variety of brothels, she daily fought for her art, her livelihood, and now Tommy’s inheritance and education. Those were substantial things. What he did was merely play games.

  Never before had he felt so worthless. Never in his days had he breathed his emptiness so keenly.

  But what was he to do about it? It had to change. It had to. Because how else could he win Penny? Only a man as substantial as she deserved to win her hand.

  But how? How did a man who played at life find something real to do? It w
as a question that had haunted him long before he’d met Penny. But now he needed the answer with an urgency that burned in his gut.

  He would find a way to be real. And then he would turn around and give it all to her.

  Chapter 16

  Penny slept well. That hadn’t happened in such a long time. Not since before losing her parents. Not since the man who’d once said he’d marry her got someone else pregnant. That was perhaps the last time she’d gone to bed happy and slept peacefully until morning. So when she woke refreshed to the sound of Tommy babbling to himself in his crib, she was pleased indeed.

  She had a lover, of sorts. A man who didn’t see her as unnatural. When he looked at her, she felt like she was the most special woman in the world. She was still homeless, her life still in chaos, but somehow it all seemed better today. She wasn’t unnatural, at least not to Samuel, and that made her want to sing. Or hum, at least, as she and Tommy began their day.

  Nothing soured her mood. Cordwain couldn’t do it when he came blustering and bellowing at their door. Wendy handled it easily. Anthony was spending some early hours at the shop doing the bookkeeping, so he held Cordwain off while Wendy went for the constable. Two finicky customers couldn’t do it, even though they thought they knew more about what kept a shoe looking pretty than she did. And certainly Francine didn’t sour anything as she settled on a stool next to the cobbler’s bench and started to chat, much like Penny had done so many times with her father.

  Except this time, the discussion wasn’t about shoes or customers. It was a good deal more fun because it was about Francine’s wedding.

  “Mama is horrified, but who wants a party in the morning? It’s a stupid law. Married in the morning. Why? I want a party with dancing. She says it isn’t proper, and do you know what I said to her?”

  Penny shook her head, barely able to keep her attention on her stitches. She was trying a new type of decorative stitching that would make the shoe stronger and prettier at the same time. “I hope it was that you were going to have a party first thing after you were married and she could come or not!”

  Francine giggled. “I should have. Instead, I told her that I wasn’t a very proper girl and that Anthony likes me just fine the way I am.”